October 29, 2007

The Big Day Arrives

So, I didn't end up going to bed early. I couldn't fall asleep and I actually got really upset at the anticipation of taking Lydia Violet to daycare today. I've been avoiding talking about this too much I guess because, deep down inside, I knew it was going to be upsetting. And I haven't blogged about daycare or the conclusion of maternity leave for that very reason. Well, it all came pouring out last night after I'd packed up her bag and we had gotten in bed. I was worrying over whether I had forgotten anything and then the flood gates broke. Whew!

Dima and I talked about it and intellectually I knew it was all going to be okay. But emotionally I was a wreck. So, I got back out of bed and watched the second half of Superman Returns. Thank goodness for HBO. Otherwise, I would have ended up watching some dumb paid programing about an automatic vegetable peeler/callouse remover or something. The movie was a good brainless activity and it helped me chill out enough that I could get to sleep when I returned to bed. No good would have come of blogging in that state.

Now, why did I get so upset? I think it really comes down to habit. I've been used to spending, pretty much, 24/7 with Lydia Violet over the last 16 weeks. And now suddenly I'm not. I'm the Lydia Violet expert 'round these parts and I guess my biggest worry was/is leaving her with people that aren't. Not that they aren't childcare experts, they're just not Lydia Violet experts. I am.

I know her cries, her laughs. I know what songs to sing. I know what to say to her when changing her diaper so that's she gets excited, rather than upset, even in a cold room: Mokraya pelyonka, yucky, yucky, yucky. Shto eta? Soohaya pelyonka! (Wet diaper, yucky, yucky, yucky. What's this? Dry diaper!) I was worried that leaving her with people that are pretty much starting from scratch would result in a rough day for her. Aside from that, I guess I'm afraid of being lonely.

But this morning actually went smoother than anticipated. She was a little shocked to be woken up so early. (That's right, we had to wake her up, not the other way around. She's been sleeping record amounts lately.) She got a fresh diaper, got dressed, had a bottle, puked on herself, got changed and then we popped in the car seat. She squealed as I sang to her the whole way (we believe that this squealing is her early version of singing) and cooed and smiled as we handed her off. My eyes only welled up a tiny bit as we walked back to our cars. And then only after we were out the door and away from her. Now, I'm feeling okay. Though I am a bit teary as I write this.

I have plenty to do today to keep myself busy and I'm picking her up early today so we can have a bit of girl time before Papa gets home.

Deep breath. We did it. We survived the toughest part. Next hurdle... return to work from maternity leave. *sniff*

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